I've not been on here so much lately, because I spent the whole of the last couple of weeks job hunting and seeing my friends.
It's been kind of tough because I spent six weeks in therapy trying to learn to cope with my severe anxiety, and now I'm finally working really hard to get my life back on track again. I've missed at least three of the Sunday senate meetings and completely failed to submit my contribution to the newsletter. I'm a little anxious that you guys must think I'm just really lazy and selfish, but the truth is I haven't been feeling like myself since I left university in June. I just want to get back to me again, and I feel like a really shit person because I could've at least messaged to say I was struggling a little to complete my part of the newsletter. My anxiety got in the way and I just avoided the situation completely.
Also had a lot on my plate since finally accepting that my father is an alcoholic. A functioning one, since he's got a really good job, however his work encourage the alcoholism through "networking" lunches and dinners. It's made him depressed and he's essentially tearing himself apart constantly and calling me up at random hours to cry about it. It's kind of hard to deal fully with my own personal problems, when a lot of the things I'm dealing with are external. He's not a bad father, just one who has a problem he needs to overcome. I'm supporting him as much as I can.
I also had to break things off with the boy I was seeing for two and a half years, which genuinely broke my heart. I felt selfish for having to end things because he struggles so much with his own problems and sort of relies on me to take care of him in a way. I haven't been able to take care of myself until recently, let alone anyone else. I still love him with all my heart, but maybe it will happen someday when we're both in a better place, mentally. If it's meant to be, it will be. I'm not relying on that happening though. It's been over a month now, and I'm slowly recovering from the heartbreak. I'm going on an actual date this Saturday with a new guy who seems really cool. I've always been quite against using dating apps, but my best friends encouraged me to try it. I'm only 23, so I think I'd ultimately regret the things I don't do much more.
I've also made a conscious effort to reconnect with people and get my social life back again since being totally betrayed by two girls I thought were my closest friends at home. I spent my weekend in the North of England visiting my best friend and housemate from University with two other friends. The weekend before that, another good friend of mine from home introduced me to a whole new group of people, and we went on a big night out. I like to think I'm meeting new people and moving on from those bitches who told me I wasn't mentally in the right place to come on holiday with them. It's been two months since I last made contact with those poisonous people. While I've been lonely for much of it I've also never felt more free.
As for the job hunt, it's going ok. I've been applying every week for entry level jobs in the fashion industry, but it's so competitive and tough. I'm also applying for retail jobs in my local area, because I'm kind of broke right now. Anything that involves working with clothes, I'm getting paid enough money to sustain my current social life. It would just be good for me to be able to work again, because I feel so much more positive about myself. I've not heard anything back yet, and I've so far had one rejection email for a buying role in London, but I'm just trying to keep my head up and not give in so easily.
I do want to take this opportunity to congratulate all who have worked on the first edition of the newsletter, because it looks fantastic. I was in a couple of the discussions for it, and I have to say you guys are such a strong team - Well done to those involved.
It's been kind of tough because I spent six weeks in therapy trying to learn to cope with my severe anxiety, and now I'm finally working really hard to get my life back on track again. I've missed at least three of the Sunday senate meetings and completely failed to submit my contribution to the newsletter. I'm a little anxious that you guys must think I'm just really lazy and selfish, but the truth is I haven't been feeling like myself since I left university in June. I just want to get back to me again, and I feel like a really shit person because I could've at least messaged to say I was struggling a little to complete my part of the newsletter. My anxiety got in the way and I just avoided the situation completely.
Also had a lot on my plate since finally accepting that my father is an alcoholic. A functioning one, since he's got a really good job, however his work encourage the alcoholism through "networking" lunches and dinners. It's made him depressed and he's essentially tearing himself apart constantly and calling me up at random hours to cry about it. It's kind of hard to deal fully with my own personal problems, when a lot of the things I'm dealing with are external. He's not a bad father, just one who has a problem he needs to overcome. I'm supporting him as much as I can.
I also had to break things off with the boy I was seeing for two and a half years, which genuinely broke my heart. I felt selfish for having to end things because he struggles so much with his own problems and sort of relies on me to take care of him in a way. I haven't been able to take care of myself until recently, let alone anyone else. I still love him with all my heart, but maybe it will happen someday when we're both in a better place, mentally. If it's meant to be, it will be. I'm not relying on that happening though. It's been over a month now, and I'm slowly recovering from the heartbreak. I'm going on an actual date this Saturday with a new guy who seems really cool. I've always been quite against using dating apps, but my best friends encouraged me to try it. I'm only 23, so I think I'd ultimately regret the things I don't do much more.
I've also made a conscious effort to reconnect with people and get my social life back again since being totally betrayed by two girls I thought were my closest friends at home. I spent my weekend in the North of England visiting my best friend and housemate from University with two other friends. The weekend before that, another good friend of mine from home introduced me to a whole new group of people, and we went on a big night out. I like to think I'm meeting new people and moving on from those bitches who told me I wasn't mentally in the right place to come on holiday with them. It's been two months since I last made contact with those poisonous people. While I've been lonely for much of it I've also never felt more free.
As for the job hunt, it's going ok. I've been applying every week for entry level jobs in the fashion industry, but it's so competitive and tough. I'm also applying for retail jobs in my local area, because I'm kind of broke right now. Anything that involves working with clothes, I'm getting paid enough money to sustain my current social life. It would just be good for me to be able to work again, because I feel so much more positive about myself. I've not heard anything back yet, and I've so far had one rejection email for a buying role in London, but I'm just trying to keep my head up and not give in so easily.
I do want to take this opportunity to congratulate all who have worked on the first edition of the newsletter, because it looks fantastic. I was in a couple of the discussions for it, and I have to say you guys are such a strong team - Well done to those involved.
